


you weren't built (for backing down)

by solarismagnum



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Pining, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 20:56:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17794607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarismagnum/pseuds/solarismagnum
Summary: Riku used to think getting off the island would give him the best chance to escape from his feelings. He couldn't have been more wrong.





	you weren't built (for backing down)

**Author's Note:**

> Before KH3 finally came out I went back and played through most of the series. Between DDD and KH1 I got slammed with Riku feels. I started dumping them into gdocs and this is what came out of it. 
> 
> Only covers up to KH2 so don't worry about spoilers!

It’s not a coincidence that they’re in the secret place when he notices. Riku thinks about a lot of things here, especially when Sora is doodling on the walls instead of helping with the raft, and the Door calls to him. At least at first that’s what he thinks it is, the way his heart aches as Sora laughs at something silly and smiles without a care in the world. It’s a moment they’ve shared on this island time and time again, but something’s different this time. Something that might make their friendship less simple. 

Darkness lurks in fear. Riku thinks about his feelings and rejects them. It’s too complicated, too messy, too weird even for Sora, especially the way he talks with Kairi these days. Riku can see the interest in her eyes, a spark that reminds him of himself, but tries to hide it. He’s the cool one of the bunch, the strongest and most enduring. If he’s untouchable, he can’t ruin anything. All they have to do is get off these stupid islands - then he can escape these stupid feelings.

Before they can set out, darkness comes calling. It curls around him like a sweltering summer, a warmth that’s uncomfortable but soothing in its own way. A voice calls out to Riku, speaking of the freedom he’s craved and the power to overcome any obstacle in his way. His feelings, the boundaries between worlds, the sense of helplessness he’s felt all this time - all of it would be out of his way. Darkness reaches for Riku, and he takes it gladly.

It’s not nearly the balm he needs it to be. The witch Maleficent takes him under her wing and teaches him her ways. She shows him Sora and his newfound friends, and the pang of rejection stings harder than any bruise from their past spars. Even away from the island, he’s alone, save for the voice in his mind. It whispers to him, urging him to seek out Kairi and even the score. It promises that the keyblade was meant to be his. Sora has his new friends and his keyblade, but Riku can be just as strong.

He isn’t. 

There are moments of strength, like when he teams up with Sora to rescue a puppet. Maleficent gives him the power to summon a Sora made entirely of darkness. It’s his to command, to do with as he pleases, and even as the voice in his mind urges him to explore his unspoken desires with the dark creature, Riku merely sends it away. The real Sora destroys it, and Riku doesn’t feel like conjuring another. It wasn’t strong enough to stop Sora or change his mind, so why bother?

He takes back his keyblade but Sora wins again, speaking about the power of friendship and light. The voice is louder now, echoing through his mind like a terrible thunder. Before Riku can truly take Sora’s words to heart, his body is stolen from him, plunging him into the darkness.

It’s clear now that there’s so much more at stake than just a bond between boys, bitter battles spanning across unrelated worlds. He’s hurt Sora and Kairi, and all he can do is make up for it. The voice - Ansem - is gone from his mind, no longer clouding his thoughts and feelings. For the first time he can see how much stronger Sora is, how much his boundless positivity and courage have helped worlds almost as helpless as their own. How could he have been so foolish?

At the end of all things, the Door to Darkness, he sees Sora for what he thinks is the last time. Perhaps this can be penance for all the horror he has wrought. Sora can go back home now and spend his days with Kairi, away from Riku and all his issues. A happy ending for those who deserve one.

He should’ve known better. Ansem may have twisted his mind but Maleficent twisted his heart - otherwise he would’ve realized that Sora wouldn’t leave him be. Riku ventures out with King Mickey to return to the World of Light, only to find that Sora’s search has gone horribly wrong. Riku is too late to save him at Castle Oblivion, and all he can do is help Namine and DiZ pick up the pieces.

It hurts to see Sora trapped like that, blissfully asleep and unaware of the forces ripping him from the memories of his friends. He looks almost serene as he sleeps, Riku thinks, but there’s something missing that at times he can’t quite place. Organization XIII has their own plans for the keyblade wielder still, and it’s up to Riku to protect him. In the end he nearly loses himself to darkness once more - but Sora is finally whole. Perhaps that Beast in Hollow Bastion was on to something after all.

He doesn’t have the confidence in their actions that DiZ does. He’s seen enough of Namine and Roxas (and…? That count doesn’t seem quite right) to know that they’re people on their own terms, but in a choice between anyone and Sora, he’d always choose Sora. As his best friend embarks upon his next journey full of new friends and adventures, Riku keeps his distance. Ansem’s voice doesn’t whisper temptations into his mind anymore, but it seeps from his own mouth nevertheless. He hates his body, hates his dark power and most of the choices he’s made, even as Sora scours every inch of every world he comes across for his best friend. Sora can’t see him like this.

Tension between Sora and the forces of darkness escalate at Hollow Bastion. The King is there to help and at least one member of the Organization goes down, but it’s obvious now that things are worse than they were before. As war threatens to descend on the Land of Dragons, Riku checks in on Sora in spite of himself. He’s in disguise, careful not to show off his current form, but fighting hordes of Heartless at Sora’s side is thrilling in a way Riku hasn’t felt in a long time. As the Heartless descend, Riku and Sora nearly find their rhythm once more, fighting together as easily as they did against their friends back on the island. He lurks behind, even as Sora grows more certain he’s on their tail. Confident that Sora can handle himself, Riku begins searching for Kairi.

Riku has spent the better part of the past year making trouble for the Organization, and as he infiltrates their lair he finds they have no qualms with paying him back in kind. Escorting Kairi out isn’t as easy as taking a portal in and out, and before he knows it he’s face to face with Sora once more. In the World That Never Was, Riku’s sins and mistakes are laid bare for Sora to see. The Hero of Light looks at the former host of the Seeker of Darkness, and falls to his knees in relief.

What?

There’s always been a softer side to Sora, one that Riku hadn’t really appreciated until they left the island. It had been a while since Sora had been small and weak enough to cry over some mishap while they were playing, and even now Riku yearns to make it right and end that hurt. But this time Sora’s crying for _him_ , clinging to his arm like Riku might disappear if he lets go, and Riku hasn’t felt so much regret since he landed in the World of Darkness. He’s not the kind of person to give hugs, but Sora could use one pretty badly right now. Even if he can’t change back, Riku decides to stay by Sora’s side this time. He never wants to see Sora in that much despair ever again - not if he can help it.

As fate - or the real Ansem - would have it, Riku returns to his original form. He’s truly able to fight at Sora’s side, Sora’s light tempering his darkness into the sharpest weapon. Even the toughest of Nobodies crumble beneath them. It’s remarkable how easily they fit together, back to back against the worst Xemnas can throw at them. Riku feels more alive than ever before, exhilarated in a way he’s never felt. And when he falters all it takes is a glance at Sora - whose eyes are impossibly fond every time he sees Riku, even mid-battle - to get back on his feet again. Xemnas himself is a powerful foe, but they can’t give up so soon. They’re so much stronger than that.

In the end, they find themselves in the World of Darkness. It’s the last place Riku would ever want Sora to be - he can’t let Sora’s light be consumed like that. Riku doesn’t have much of a choice however, since he’s spent from the battle with Xemnas and couldn’t call up a dark portal even if he wanted to. 

Worse yet, he’s not sure that he does. He’s distracted by the way Sora drapes Riku over himself and carries him along. His shoulder is strong and toned from all that fighting, and Riku can’t help but notice the warmth of their bodies so close together as they press onward or how dangerously close Sora’s hand is to touching his ass. The desires he’s spent so much time swallowing down come rushing back like a flood, and it’s all Riku can do to pretend he can manage walking by himself. He recognizes the World of Darkness for what it is, wondering if it’s his fate to be trapped here. 

“I think the darkness has gotten to me too,” Sora says in response.

Despair claims what little strength Riku has and he collapses in the sand. His back is throbbing from where Xemnas struck him and the rest of him aches, but none of it compares to the idea of Sora losing himself the same way Riku once had. 

He wants to ask why Sora thinks that, but the truth is in his actions. Sora’s immediately at his side, ready to help like it’s nothing at all. It’s stupid, really - the idea that darkness could ever completely claim Sora, when his eyes shine bright with hope and compassion even in the darkest of places. Whatever happens, Sora will be fine. And if Sora’s okay, Riku can manage. Riku chuckles to himself, wondering how he ever could’ve doubted Sora. 

“What’s so funny?” Sora asks, leaning ever closer into Riku’s personal space.

“Sometimes I don’t give you enough credit,” Riku muses, his expression fond.

Sora chuckles too. “Well duh. I’m a lot stronger these days though,” he adds, flexing his arms.

In the moment, Riku can’t help but give Sora a onceover. In battle there hadn’t been much time to see how Sora had changed, but Riku takes the time to really look at him - the way he’s grown over the past year, fitting into the strength forced upon him. He’s a little different but his eyes and his smile are ever the same, trying to appeal to Riku while blissfully unaware he’s been well won over. Riku’s never been a graceful loser, but it’s easier to accept defeat when it comes with Sora’s relentless optimism.

For all that he’s slowly taking the sight of Sora in, Riku doesn’t realize that he’s also being watched. Sora’s attention remains fixed on Riku regardless of whatever danger they might be in, steeling himself for something Riku hasn’t noticed. In an instant Sora’s lips press against Riku’s own, and in that moment he’s not sure if he’s dying, dreaming, or simply delusional.

He presses his hand to Sora cheek as they kiss, feeling the warmth of his skin rather than darkness or some illusion. Riku inhales, and even though Sora doesn’t smell of their beach or anything Riku finds familiar, Sora doesn’t smell like dark magic. This is really happening, and Riku has no idea what to do with himself. Sora senses his hesitation and slips away. Riku stares at him, touching his lips in surprise, and Sora has the sense to look sheepish.

“Sorry, Riku,” he says, scratching his cheek where Riku touched it. “Just… if you go away again, I wanted you to know. How I felt, I mean.”

Riku smiles fondly, the truth filling him with warmth like sunrise. He feels complete, like the pieces of the wild boy who left the island that night have finally all fallen back into place. It doesn’t fix everything - not the mistakes he’s made nor the situation they’re in - but for the first time in a while he feels right. “Don’t worry, Sora. I won’t leave you again. I promise.”

Sora leans in to give him one of his legendary hugs, and Riku pretends not to feel the dampness that hits his shoulder as he leans into the hug. 

He may not be out of the darkness yet, but for now - this is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/vesplume) and [tumblr](https://sigmundite.tumblr.com)!


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